I’ve got bad news folks. You’re stuck with me again. Sad times! If anybody out there wants to have a whack at this thing, I guess just let me know.

Floor, “Downed Star”

This song, with the distant, buried vocals and deliberately thin drums, sounds a lot like an old Crystalized Movements track, which is something nobody else is going to care about. But I think it’s neat! And if you like this, hit up that link and see if you like their stuff.

Folks, we’ve got a special thing today! Our first ever Five Songs Guest Post! That’s right! For the first time ever, Five Songs is an actual “we” instead of a royal “we”! This guest track listing was provided by Col. Hector Bravado, founder of Breakup Gaming Society, home to America’s Least Responsible Board Game Podcast. Riff with him on Twitter (@T1ChiefRocka) or listen. We’re going all instrumental today, and now I’m going to turn over the mic!

Therapy?, “He’s Not That Kind Of Girl”

Therapy? were kind of an industrial metal band, kind of an alt-metal band, kinda punk at times, I guess, sorta grungy…I guess they were just kind of heavy, you know? They were often pretty sardonic, which again sort of aligns them towards industrial metal, like the Revolting Cocks or Ministry. I guess there’s some Butthole Surfers here too.

Well, whatever - this is from a singles collection released in 2000, pulling together the usual grab bag of stuff. It’s not bad, but also pretty unnecessary.

Jurassic 5, “Gotta Understand”

Feedback is one of the most disappointing albums I can remember buying. I adored the first couple LPs from J5, and then this album just kind of thudded to the ground. It seemed so leaden and joyless at the time that I just listened to it a few times and shelved it. Honestly, it’s due for a re-visit, and this track is pretty good. Maybe I’m just a dope?

The Beastie Boys, “Hold It Now, Hit It”

I’ve mentioned before here the ability of certain songs to transport me to very specific places and times. The Proustian recollection for this song is rolling through a lovely Spokane fall evening, crammed in the back seat of a shitty Toyota, on the way to a party at a friend of a friend’s house, a high school debate connection. We had this cranked up as far as it would go, plastic interior panels rattling along with the bass, as we headed to this party hopeful of making a connection. Being a hopeless debate dork, I mostly just held up a wall and tried to figure out how to make conversation, ultimately failing, but nevertheless enjoying the novel experience of a house party that was recognizable as an actual party. As opposed the usual gathering for me, which was mostly nerds playing cards.

De La Soul, “Intro”

The biggest exception to rap skits sucking is pretty much anything with Prince Paul involved. The framing device for De La Soul Is Dead, of an audio storybook detailing kids encountering the record for the first time, is delightfully self-refential and charming. And “cock snot” really is a vivid phrase.

Trigger Cut, “Coffin Digger”

If you call yourself Trigger Cut, you should really be twee indie rock. But no, we’ve got just pure muscular noise rock going here, sounding like nothing so much as vintage Hammerhead or maybe mid-period Unsane. So, yes, it’s throwing me back to the early 90s, just not in the direction the band name suggests.

Quasimoto, “Don’t Blink”

Quasimoto is one of Madlib’s many aliases, and probably the most unhinged of his various projects. The production in particular is spastic, with sounds popping in and out in unpredictable ways, giving the proceedings a lurching feel that is diquieting. Combine that with his disaffected, helium-accented flow, and it’s just a very strange record. Really good, though.

Tortoise, “Spiderwebbed”

The first Tortoise record is a landmark in post-rock, representing an approach to making music with guitars and drums that would help inspire lots of following bands. I don’t think it’s their best record, but it’s excellent stuff, and it’s easy to see why this album got people excited.

Ulthar, “Undying Spear”

Ulthar are a blackened death metal band from Oakland who have two records out so far. They’re apparently Lovecraftian, but I’d have to read their lyrics to hear that. I’m never really sure how I feel about blackened death (in this case, it’s mostly the vocals that are blackened more than anything), I think I generally prefer the two styles separate.

The Midnight Hour, “Gate 54”

The Midnight Hour is Adrian Younge (who had scored a bunch of things and has also worked with a bunch of folks, we’ve seen his work with Ghostface Killah on here) and Ali Shaheed Muhammad (from A Tribe Called Quest), putting together a jazz/hip-hop hybrid. As you’d expect from that pedigree, it’s outstanding stuff. Younge and Muhammad both are multi-instrumentalists, and combined with their immense compositional talents, you’ve got amazing stuff.

Less Than Jake, “Automatic”

As the majors decided that ska, and especially ska-punk, was Really Hot, a bunch of bands signed contracts even though it probably didn’t make a ton of sense. But, honestly, Less Than Jake wasn’t a bad bet by the labels. There’s enough catchiness in their songs that you could see Green Day’s audience becoming interested, and ska was also pretty trendy. It made some sense, and given that there were some pretty huge hits from similar bands, there’s no reason one of those couldn’t have been LTJ. But, it didn’t quite work out, so only two records came out on Capitol Records before they moved back to smaller labels. Good record, though.

The Safety Fire, “Mouth of Swords”

Mouth of swords. Arms of pikes. Feet of daggers. Butt of warhammers.

Couch Slut, “All The Way Down”

We’re big Couch Slut fans here at Five Songs. The torch of grimy NYC noise rock is ably carried forward by this band, who cheerfully (?) make their music as grim and churning as they can. But it’s not artless filth, there’s an intentionality to the noise that charms me. Charms me? Well, I’ll go with it.